e DEMON in me

2010-03-14T17:40:00.002+08:00

i guess i just been too lazy to blog nowadays

with now life seems like a wheel months

ago the beat was born giving new look at life

part of my dream has finally came true

i got a crew now who i know has my back and i have

theirs but like i said life is like a wheel karma

flows it through it hmmm what is really happening

outside is jsut how it is i know this does not make sense

to most but i just saying whats in my mind well

here is an update a few of my dreams has come true

now i need to work on the rest getting through ns and all

i have the direction now i have to keep moving towards it

love is back in my life and i am getting better in the mind department

jsut afew more adjustments and it will be ok for now

but i will take things one at a time for now life is

wheel and i guess it will happen when ur patient with it

like the wheel sometimes ur up and other times ur down

we have to be patient with what is going to happen

or has happened this is my thoughs and a mind which is crazy

and of sort.........

2009-09-05T03:59:00.002+08:00

to tell the truth i actually
feel very lost very dejected in life
i donnoe where i stand in my love life
single or just loved? or
some ask me why smoke but do they really
understand what is happening in my mind?
how really confused i am
maybe i am jsut running away from reality?
running from the fact that life is just not that
easy as i though it was 10years ago
i just feel incomplete very incomplete
very dead and empty i pray everynight
for even a small point to show me where
i should be goin
which direction should i be moving?
oh lord i lean on u for this
i have given u my all
i dont noe what to do anymore
nicotine and the alcohol can do just
that much to help me forget
all of this pain and suffering from my
mind and the burdened heart
i lean to u to show me
which one and where for me to go.....

2009-04-15T04:15:00.002+08:00

looking at the dark sky
as the hours goes by noticing
a lonely star just shining on its
own really sometimes just tells me
that somewhere out there
is another person looking at that same
star look at its beauty in the darkness
although surrounded by all the darkness within
its reach it still shine through just like how
much this world is changing for the better or worst
we us as people as individuals just have to shine
through it shine like that lone star
shine through all the troubles you have
and look foward to what ur goin to face with a shine
and hope....

2009-04-02T01:32:00.002+08:00

as the days and nights goes
as the days turns to weeks
and weeks turn to months
just realising how defining it
is to be alone is so natural
to me now it is so usual
just waking up in the morning
alone no one there to walk up to
seems so indifferent to me now
i never did took another relationship
with another half seriously after ASM
but there is something inside
that just wants to love again
that just wants to have that feeling
of having someone close to me
that side sometimes just makes me feel crazy
makes me wanting to kill myself slowly with nicotine
and just drink my liver to death
but then there is the other side of me
that is in peace that i can finally and slowly be myself
on the streets i use to try not be different but now i dont
care i just do what i think is right
walking around aimlessly not caring what others think
that is who i really am
that is who i will always be
that is the real me........

2009-02-18T17:54:00.002+08:00

was listening to a few songs i would never
though i would ever listen to in my life
a song that really showed how empty my life
really is now sometimes i wonder what am i really
doing walking around like a zombie just listening to music
hanging out alone i wonder what is that missing piece
that i am looking for what is making my life feel so restless
feel so hollow and empty what is that missing piece of the
puzzle 2009 is so brand new now maybe i just donnoe
what to expect anymore as anything is possible
2008 has come and gone leaveing a part of me in a very
big mess and a lot of unexplained happenings in my life
maybe this is gods way of saying i have much more ot learn
much more to fight for and much more to care for
but what is it? Maybe this is my path for 2009 finding the new
meanings in life the new treasures in my life i never did got the
chance to say good bye to 2008 in a proper way maybe it is time
i do ........

2008-12-12T13:41:00.002+08:00

sometimes being alone in the darkness
really helps to show you
really ar what ur really here to do
in life cause maybe i am sometimes
confused who i really am sometimes
i need that boost to help me remember
who i am what i can really do in
my life what i really want
what i really need in life

for sometimes in the darkness
light will always shine even abit
for this is how life is
this is how life will become
this is how life will change too

2008-10-21T22:10:00.002+08:00

some people have inner demons
that they wont ever know or realise
it seems like i am blessed that i know
i have inner demons of my own and i realise
i have to get rid of them
walking through that old past
that old neighbourhood
reminded me how much life
has pass
how much experinces i had gone through
looking back at all of it really can
bring tears to my eyes
laughter to my heart
and smile to my face
the thing i know i should'nt
have done
the things i was force to do
learning how to survive
how to fight and
how to adapt
on the streets
looking back at all though memories
really got me to think of what has happened
this past year from a great january
to a very bad end on june
but it was really all a blessing in disguise
i lost one love
i found christ
i found friends who really do care
and i found a new meaning to life
thank you all
thank you lord

2008-10-15T00:20:00.002+08:00

feeling the heart breaks
as i sit here wondering
what can i really do now?

i am sure only of this
i need to pray to the lord
i need to get stronger
i need to just keep my head high
and live for god

i trust he will heal my wounds
i trust that he will show me the right one

ps. it is not fair for u to say u donnoe me
if u never really have met me naimei it is not
fair at all....

2008-10-07T01:37:00.002+08:00

broken inside that is how
i feel not sure what is it
that made it this way but
still i am lookin for that ans
everytime i look at people who
ar in love who ar so much bless
with that special someone other
then god someone other then family
someone other then friends
that special someone who i can actually
be myself with the only one i can let the
real manzion out the real zack out the real
pitbull out that some one
lord please help me.....

2008-09-21T01:40:00.002+08:00

Praying is something that truely
made things go on easier for me
but still for some reason i still
can feel like that is something missing
in my life but what is it?
i really do need to pray more
i need to see that light
or maybe i just need to go back
into that world for a while?
do i really need to use my fist like
i use to?
do i have to get my anxiety out
with violence again?
do i really need to go back to
the fights like i use too
do i really?

2008-08-29T00:15:00.003+08:00

静かな日々の階段を
Shizuka na hibi no kaidan wo
Climb the Stairs of Quiet Days
By Dragon Ash
Translation by Mink my good friend

草木は緑　花は咲き誇り色とりどり　四季はまた巡り小春日和
kusagi wa midori hana wa saki hokori iro toridori shiki wa mata meguri koharu biyori
The trees and grass are green, the flowers bloom triumphantly in a rainbow of color, the four seasons rotate again on a warm autumn's day.
用もないのにただ　並木通り　思う今一人
you mo nai no ni tada namigi toori omou ima hitori
Nothing to do, just walk down a tree lined path, thinking only of one person.
ハーフタイムなんてなしに過ぎる日常　俺もなんとかここで一応
haafutaimu nante nashi ni sugiru nichijou ore mo nan toka koko de ichiou
I pass most days without a half-time, I'm trying here somehow
やりくりしてるわけで　時にはなりふり構わず生きよう
yarikuri shiteru wake de toki ni wa narifuri kamawazu ikiyouto make do, without worrying about how it must look sometimes.
むかえる朝　変わらずにまだ　陽はまたのぼりくりかえしてゆく
mukaeru asa kawarasu ni mada hi wa mata nobori kurikaeshite yuku
The next morning, same as always the sun rises in the sky.
窓の外は南風　洗い流してこの胸の痛みまで
mado no soto wa minamikaze arainagashite kono mune no itami made
There's a south wind outside my window, washing even the pain in my heart away.
過ぎ去りし日々の涙　時がやがて無意識の中連れ去るのなら
sugisari shi hibi no namida toki ga yagate muishiki no naka tsuresaru no nara
The tears of days gone by, if time finally takes them into my unconscious,
大事なのは光だけ　あともう少しここにいたいだけ
daiji na no wa hikari dake ato mou sukoshi koko ni itai dake
the only important thing is light, I just want to be here a little longer.

We go every day　行こう笑みで
We go every day ikou emi de
We go every day, let's go with a smile
光の照らし出す方に　開かれた未来目指すように
hikari no terashi dasu hou ni hirakareta mirai mezasu you ni
towards where the light shines, to search for the open future.
We go every day　行こう笑みで
We go every day ikou emi de
We go every day, let's go with a smile.
花瓶に水を差すように　ねがいよかないますように
kabin ni mizu wo sasu you ni negai yo kanaimasu you ni
Like pouring water in a flower pot, let our wishes be granted.
季節はずれのこの雨が　ぼかした表情とその涙
kisetsu hazure no kono ame ga bokashita hyoujou to sono namida
This unseasonal rain blurred your expression and tears.

降り止まないうちにGerra　すかした顔してフッと笑ってな
furiyamaranai uchi ni Gerra sukashita kao shite futto warattena
There's a war before it stops. Try to look smart and laugh.
てな具合で進むそっこうOne week　つかれた体でそっとOne drink
tena guai de susumu sokkou One week tsukareta karada de sotto One drink
Continue like that and at once it's one week, take one drink with a tired body.
つどう先は仲間たち　いつものように夜通しバカ話
tsudou saki wa nakama tachi itsumo no you ni yodooshi baka hanashi
Friends are at the gathering place, talk about silly things all through the night.
こんな日々が終わらないように　羽根広げはばたく鳥のように
konna hibi ga owaranai you ni hane hiroge habataku tori no you ni
Don't let these days end, let me spread my wings like a flapping bird.
みんな必死なんだ　負けんな　いねぇぜピンチランナー
minna hisshi nanda makenna inee ze pinchi rannaa
Everyone is trying desperately, don't lose! There's no pinch runner.
あざけ笑う奴を尻目に　つかめ描いた夢にぎった手に
azake warau yatsu wo shirime ni tsukame kaita yume nigitta te ni
Just ignore anyone who sneers, keep a tight grasp on your dreams.
雨上がりの流れ星　ねがいをかけて　さあ上がれ同志
ame agari no nagareboshi negai wo kakete saa agare doushi
Wish on a shooting star after the rain's cleared, get up, brother.

We go every day　行こう笑みで
We go every day ikou emi de
We go every day, let's go with a smile
光の照らし出す方に　開かれた未来目指すように
hikari no terashi dasu hou ni hirakareta mirai mezasu you ni
towards where the light shines, to search out the open future.
We go every day　行こう笑みで
We go every day ikou emi de.
We go every day, let's go with a smile
花瓶に水を差すように　ねがいよかないますように
kabin ni mizu wo sasu you ni negau yo kanaimasu you ni
Like pouring water in a flower pot, let our wishes be granted.

なんとなく携帯の電源オフり　耳すます雑踏の全然奥に
nan to naku keitai no dengen ofuri mimisumasu zattou no zenzen oku ni
I turn my cell phone off for no reason, listen closely in the middle of the crowd.
聞こえるだろ風の声　流れ流れて今度は何故何処へ
kikoeru da ro kaze no koe nagare nagarete kondo wa naze doko e
Can you hear the voice of the wind? It flows and flows, why and where will it go now?
しらじらしくも聞いたりなんかして　自分の未来重ねたり
shirajirashikumo kiitari nanka shite jibun no mirai kasanetari
Asking straight out, repeating your own future,
何か言ってもらいたいのは同じ気持ち　擦り減らす掛け替えのない命
nanka itte moraitai no wa onaji kimochi suriherasu kakegae no nai inochi
Wanting someone to say something is the same feeling, when this life wears out, there's no spare.幼い頃の夢ダブらして　鏡の前で朝歯ブラシで
osanai goro no yume daburashite kagami no mae de asa ha burashi de
Double your childhood dreams. When you're in front of the mirror in the morning
みがく時もまたアホ顔して　家を出るそんな日々暮らして
migaku toki mo mata ahogao shite ie wo deru sonna hibi kurashite
brushing your teeth, make a stupid face andget out of the house, spend those kinds of days
夜を待つのはもうやめよう　休んでもいいさ力溜めよう
yoru wo matsu no wa mou yameyou yasunde mo ii sa chikara tameyou
Stop waiting for night, it's okay to take a rest, save your strength.
静かに時を刻む街　夢託し俺らがつなぐアーチ
shizuka ni toki wo kizamu machi yume takushi orera ga tsunagu aachi
Time quietly ticks away at this town, trust your dreams and we'll build an arch.
[[REPEAT]]静かな日々の階段をshizuka na hibi no kaidan wo
Climb the stairs of quiet days.

We go every day　行こう笑みで
We go every day ikou emi de
We go every day, let's go with a smil.e
風がやんだ空の真下　みずからの手でつかむ明日
kaze ga yanda sora no mashita mizukara no te de tsukamu ashita
Right under the windless sky, grasp tomorrow with your own hands.
静かな日々の階段を
shizuka na hibi no kaidan wo
Climb the stairs of quiet days.

after typing this and listening to the song kinda helps me in my time of need hmmm anyway i put the song up so listen to it ya ..........................

2008-06-24T01:21:00.002+08:00

Sorry readers if there is any but my mind has been blank for a long time now
i really donnoe what is happening but everything is pretty much falling apart for me now maybe when my mind is back to normal i will blog again until then
enjoy the song change..............

2008-05-05T22:49:00.002+08:00

the hardest thing when trying to hold
on is to let go.....in love....in life.....
loving the one when you know you
have to let go..............not wanting
to throw away the memories of that
person who would have to go away
sometimes memories are like a curse
for the ones who has them when they
are trying to move on their lives the
curse of the sweet good memories that
they will miss dearly maybe never to experience
it again and the curse of the bitter bad
memories afraid of it happening to them
again.............maybe until we find that paradise
within us we will never be away from this
curse of memories................like nightmares
is life ever going to be a paradise

2008-02-27T00:20:00.002+08:00

i know shouldn't be feeling this way but i do
i feel useless unable to help you out of this
problem now i want to get you out of this...
or more like that prison but i cant not now
i want all of this problem to just go away
leave our sights and leave us alone just together
haiz .........................
until further notice this blog will be dead......

M@Nz!0n Kn!gHtM@r3 M@Ns!0N

2008-01-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

intially i just wanted to blog about the 19th and last night but something
makes me want to blog about more hmmmmmm not sure what ok then here it goes........

being on what is seems to be the sea side
with you seems so much more pleasent now
afew of our problems seems to be gone away
but afew seem to stay.....no one knows really why
but now i feel a closer and deeper connection towards
you something i just have never had felt before everytime
i see the night sky now i remember of that night
of us out just being oursleves with no restrictions whats
so ever all the we both wanted that night never to end
but it still did......
then u gave me another surprise for me in the week
suddenly asking me to meet as we meet once again
spend the remaining of the night under the night sky
talking about anything and every thing life love hate friendship
last night was the same once again spend our time having a meal
together talking like there was no other u really
have became the center of my life my universe
i just want you to know that i will always love you no matter so
as i love so very so.................love is more then
just a four letter word that is a fact...........

2007-11-16T00:10:00.000+08:00

The street lights linger in front of my eyesThe next stepThe lingering shadowRecalling the scornYour words still remains at the telephone boothA sentence of words,a drop of tearTonight how am I going to fall asleepActually the most painful expression unexpectedly is the lack of feelingsActually the most cruel image can be very sweet wordsI don’t understand how to love you even moreThe shadows of irony follows me without failActually the most lonely thing is that I am still missing youActually the most sorrowful thing is that I can’t face myselfYou've covered it nicelyI will also not leave any traceWhen telling a story,it also should be like realBut don’t touch those memoriesTonight you said your last sentenceA sentence of words,a drop of tearI think tonight it’s gonna be hard for me to fall asleep

2007-11-09T00:50:00.000+08:00

love sometimes makes it
hard to hold on to my sanity
it makes me crazy for it
it makes me confused if i have it
it makes me want to cry for no reason
it makes me want to smile for not reason also
it still makes my heart alive and pain at the same time
but why i ask myself always
not knowing why sometimes
i just want her to be with me thats all
i know she loves me i know she cares bout me
but does she even know the pain
inside of me that i feel now
i have no one to tell this to
but everytime i see you ,you give me happiness
but when you say goodbye
the pain comes back into my heart
like a full rage river that ravages through
anything in its way but why is the void still here
in my heart does she even know bout it?
is she that oblivious?
to know how much pain she is causing me
unknowingly unexpectedly i love you
hope you still feel the same way to <3........

2007-11-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

sometimes it will get
the mind thinking
how does this human heart
works if can both give us pleasure
and the pain from within
the fire that burns from
within a man be man?
does facing your fears from
within would make you a man
also or does it make you just someone
who can just face reality and make do
with what he has and for years i have been
doings but something just does not feels
right to me as there was something missng before
but now it has been filled with love
that could be waiting for years for the partner to
come all i wanted to say is i love you
and it is all true..........

2007-10-01T01:43:00.000+08:00

sleeping away in reality
makes my mind run wild
feeling awake but my world
seems like it is sleeping away
i need my escape from this reality
but i just cant seem to find it
or have i? am i being selfish
with this words or am i just in need of help
i am in love but now i dont know
where i stand with her anymore
where is that joy when you get
when you fall in love with someone
i just cant find it anymore
i am just falling apart inside
i know what i need
i know what i want
but.......
can i get it?
can i ever find the love that
is true for me?
i know i live alone
i die alone........
i will and have to accept that
sometimes people do dissapoints
you when u dont expect the most
it seems like everytime i need someones
support everyone runs away
but when they need it i am here ready
to give my life for them but
sometimes when i need them the most
and when i looked behind
all i see is no one
but why do i live my life like this ?
i dont even know
i dont even care
cause for as long my loved
ones are happy i will do my best
to keep them that way
even if it means that i will have to give my
life for it
i will
i would
and i am going to
.........all i needed for someone to love me
thats all is that to much to ask?

2007-09-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

now that i know my mistakes
i know what i must do i know
i am at fault i know now my mistakes
sorry so hurt so much i did not
know that before i just wish i would
have realized it before it was too late
i am really sorry i know i have to change
and i will i will do it all to have back what i did
with you i promise you this
i promise you to change for the better
i promise you to become a better man
i promise you my life to grow for the better
i may only have words to get back your love
i will do anything....................i promise you this
love you..........................

2007-09-16T03:25:00.000+08:00

just sitting in the dark room
just alone would always get the mind
thinking bout life and how much
would anyone would actually
care bout oneself when one is to just
disapear cause when you don really
know what do you really have
do i have her love or not
am i going to be missed by the person i love
when i die or if i were to just disapear from
the face of the earth would they go and try
to find me and relocate me just to be with me
or am i just cursed to be alone for the rest my
life again am i not really destin for you
i lost you 2 millenium ago and from the looks
of it even after finding you again we would
never be together again but the tides of fate may
just change and we may be together after all of this
is done? but who knows until u can decide on to be with me
again like 2 millenia ago or go on with your human counterpart
now.......only time would tell

2007-08-21T01:15:00.000+08:00

sitting on the roof
sometimes helps when
you need to think about life
and the things that is happening
in it and around it the things
that would make you smile
and some other things that would
make you want to cry
the events around life itself
is a blessing although there are times
when the world just always seems so
unfair biase against us and we would just like
it all to disappear into the darkness of the night
like the world of midnight where everything
is simple and just darkness in the sky where
everybody has no name no title no worries
in life just living together in harmony of life
and love around them .................

2007-08-13T00:09:00.000+08:00

life seems so wonderful now
with you around with your
voice to give me peace in my life
with your every touch i feel
alive again with your love
i feel like i am human again
with every word that you say to
like words that fell from the
heavens, each time i see you
i feel the warmth of life, love
from you your presence when you
stand be side me is simply
breath taking and now that
i know you love me too makes it
all the better for me thank you
and i love u...........

2007-07-15T02:24:00.000+08:00

sometimes just sitting down can get the
mind thinking bout things bout memories
wanting to be forgotten but it just cant,
hearing a song the other day made me think
and reflect in my own life ya true nothing is perfect
but still sometimes to really enjoy the pleasures in life
you have to let it go and see how it grows and move on
from afar cause sometimes things are just never meant to
be ya it is hard to face it but heck the truth is always painfull
no matter how you look at it maybe one should be just contented
with what one's have and just live on like in love we may love someone
but does the other really love us back..........
maybe it is just fate cause in life sometimes promises are just meant
to be broken no matter how strong the bond is between the two people
hmmm who knows right? cause maybe we all should just try to move on
even if it hurts so much to do so...............

2007-07-05T12:49:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to say now adays but mostly don wish
to say anything anymore haha this blog is dead but hey at least i change the music
enjoy y'all until next time

2007-06-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

sometimes lying here
in pain could really get
a person thinking alot
especially when there is
only one thing in my mind
and for some reason
in just brings tears in my eyes
knowing that you will never know how
pain i am suffering for you
inside and out
inside from the inability to move on
still loving and caring for you
and out as i keep hurting myself
because i fight for you to protect
you from those very things you fear most.....
But when all of this thought in my mind goes
on and on suddenly the though of just letting you
die not caring for you no more cause it is not going anywhere
you moving on soon forgetting me
and me just here to help you when ever you need
buring myself to just make you happy
hoping that i will make a difference in your life
and just hoping that you would actually
look back at me with the look that you gave me before.....
but now i can only wish for that to happen again
i can only wish that i could hold you in my arms again
i could only wish that i can kiss you again cause
it has gone away maybe forever but as if my think sturbborn
head of mine would just give up on you cause even if you are
not with me anymore and i am nothing more then
a friend to you i would always still care and love you
i never did got over you and i don think i ever will
but i just want you to know i love you and just so you know
the time with you were the happies moments in my life

2007-05-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

life can really be so
cruel sometimes with
all of the hardships in our
lives with friends, family and
the hardest one ...love
but maybe it is true no matter
how difficult the problems
are with your love ones behind you
supporting you it will be easier to face it
but what if you are all alone facing the
the biggest prblems in your life
and one is there to help you what can
we all do?.........is it in our own confidence
if we truely belive that we could do it we can
even if there is on one there to catch us if we were
to fall on our backs does having just pure
confidence is enough to pull you through the
darkness that life may throw at us?
is it really enough?

2007-05-14T22:05:00.000+08:00

walking in the rain
looking up in sky as it
brightens up with the blue
sky shining through
thinking of you and how
are you doing with your
life now and how happy you
are now would always
make me smile but unconciously
tears would suddenly roll
down my cheeks....remembering
what we had and what we went through
together would always make me tear from
the moment you said yes to the moment
when you left me it will always leave an
impression in my life thank you for everything
you have done for me you have made me a better
person on the inside and out thank you so much
take care
p.s
i will always be here for you take care

2007-05-03T14:39:00.000+08:00

Hello people yes i know it has been
a very long time since i blog bout
my thoughs ya.....so here it is.....

Life is always full of its ups and downs
but yet some of us are still able to get up
even from the hardest headships in life
and move on even if it seems so impossible at
first but it would just happen, people has never
seem to amaze me with what they can really do
although everything seems impossible for them but
with just their sheer will they can over come it ,
of course they sometimes need help from friends,
family and their faith with any religion they belive in
no matter what it is.....maybe life is wonderful in its own
sometimes it makes me feel proud to be a person,a human
~~(ok part human)~~ people who would never give up
even though it seems impossible for them......

2007-04-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

True

I wont talkI wont breatheI wont move till you finally seeThat you belong with meYou might think I dont lookBut deep insideIn the corner of my mindIm attached to youIm weakIts trueCuz im afraid to know the answerDo you want me too?Cuz my heart keeps falling fasterI've waited all my lifeTo cross this lineTo the only thing thats trueSo I will not hideIts time to tryAnything to be with youAll my life I've waitedThis is trueYou dont know what you doEverytime you walk into the roomIm afraid to moveIm weakIts trueIm just scared to know the ending Do you see me too?Do you even know u met me?I've waited all my life to cross this lineTo the only thing thats trueSo I will not hideIts time to try anything to be with youAll my life I've waitedThis is trueI know when I go ill be on my way to youThe way thats trueI've waited all my life to cross this lineTo the only thing thats trueSo I will not hideIts time to try anything to be with youAll my life I've waitedThis is true

2007-04-25T19:43:00.000+08:00

I don't know what is happeing
in my mind i wish to move
i say that all the time but still
everytime i see you it is almost
like you are the drug that makes me
tick inside makes me live another day
but just then reality hits me in the
face that she is no longer with me,
beside me or loving me anymore
leaving me lost in the dark i keep
seeing the light from afar but everytime
i reach for it, but it seems to get further
and further away from my reach
now i feel like giving up but something
in my heart and mind which tells me
there will be something there for me
for me to wait for till the time comes....

2007-04-22T22:23:00.001+08:00

2007-04-22T14:26:00.000+08:00

be yourself is the thing i want
now it is my peace in life
sick and tired of being sad and
crying for someone who is never
going come back to you but what
the heck thanks for the memories
and the heart breaks but to bad
you don't love me no more your
lost not mine, time i look forward and
don't look back no more and smile to
every heart break and hardship i face
or even problems cause that is who i am
for now and forever

2007-04-15T21:48:00.000+08:00

every nightmare is always
the reflection of the persons
shame for doing what they have
done the shame of their life
would be brought out in their
sleep but some say to fight this
nightmares could be treated
by finding their peace in life
by finding their missing pieces
of the puzzle but where are we
to look for these treasures in life
and how........
some say these treasures are love,
others would have friends and family
as their treasures in life
but there are afew who still cant find it
even on their death bed they still are not
able to find it...........

2007-04-14T04:04:00.000+08:00

sitting in the dark looking
at the dark sky sometimes
sets the mind thinking wheather
is anything in the world forever
we always swear forever friends,
forever lovers and some forever
alone...but the reality is this,
nothing would last forever no matter how
hard we would try to make ourselves
think so friends one day would just be
distant memories one day lovers would
one day just be friends and there is no
such thing as forever alone as one day
just one fine day the loners may meet their
mates but the point is that nothing is
every forever just memories they are
forever in our minds and hearts dieing
with us on our deathbed until we are buried...
as a friend once told me a man is never rich from
money they are rich from memories in their life......

2007-04-08T23:13:00.000+08:00

standing in the dark
above from others to see
on the roof i stand broken
hurting inside......
looking down all i see is
people moving around
with their lives then i see
her,i hope she would look
up at me like before but she did
not i dont think she ever though
of looking up.......
remembering the past
makes it even harder for me to pick
up the pieces of my life when
it was broken by her words of
having lost her feelings towards me
i still dont understand why that happen
why she broke all her promises to me
why she broke my heart
why would she made my life living hell
maybe she did not know
that this could happen
maybe she knew but she did not care...........
but now it is too late for maybes
what done is done.........
i still cant live without her
i still am lost without her
but does she really care?
somethings inside just tells me
maybe just for now but soon
i am just a memory to her
someone who is pathetic as me
to still love her forever.......................

2007-04-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

I really dont
understand what
is happening in
my mind it is in confusion
with the matter why
and how did i lose
your love ......when
i love you so much
i remember once you told
me; that you love me
more then words could
ever mention or say
and i loved you so
i dont understand what
happen to all your promises
to be together forever ............
you even talked about marrriage
but now when i need your
support the most you leave me to
dry.....and you always say we could continue
as friends but support from friends and from
the ones you love is very different..............
it is never the same you said you
understand that but in reality
i don even think you did
you"ll never understand and i dont
think ever will...................................

2007-04-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

The lost soul now is back
in hell where he started at first
even though he thought that the grass
would be greener on the other
side but i was not as it was said to
be....it was alot more better at first as he
found his new love in life jesline she was to be
his bride in the future but sadly it was not to be
she had lost his love for him and did not wish to
hurt him and so she left him for him to find another
but instead of doing so he took his life instead
killing himself trying to make the pain in his heart
go away he hung himself sending him back to damnation
of hell........now he walks alone again in the pits of hell
as it burns him alive but it still did not make
the pain go away it made it worst seeing her move away
from him far from him now he just let it burn him
as it does not hurt as much as it does now
but it still hurt so much inside .....................................

2007-03-31T00:43:00.000+08:00

what's wrong is a question
i keep asking myself when ever
my tears would flow without reason
then i realise the reason is
because of missing you to
very much in my heart
and waiting my phone to ring
with you on the other side
on the line but it never seems to
happen.......what is happening
my love when i see you now you
dont even seem talking to me
when ever i come near you
you always seem so distant from me
so near to me yet so far away from my
reach it is tearing me inside
hope you read this i just cant figure out
why....is this happeing to me
what is truly wrong with......

2007-03-15T01:53:00.000+08:00

In the dark i just stand
looking at everybody around
moving in their routine
like well oiled machines
never to know what is really
happening around them the wars
between the unknown and the feared
the underworld of the real
world the never ending battles between
heaven and hell and the unresolved
wars between those in hell for the
supremacy to control hell itself
to control the greatest darkness
itself and the ever quest to control the
world between heaven and earth
and the few that are told to keep it safe
for others to live in and make sure
they would never know what is really happening
behind them............make sure they live as
they are now................

2007-03-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

there were times
i remember when i would
always sit in the dark
thinking of what my life
would actually
come to all my faliures...
all my mistakes
that i know would haunt me
till the day i die..........
but now i still sit in the dark...
but only waiting for the sun to
rise and show me where you are...
and show me your angelic face.....
your loving heart that never runs
out of love to me........and your love to me
which keeps me alive day in and day out....
i love you...i hope my presence with you brings
the same feeling towards me too my love
i love you.................

2007-02-24T02:38:00.000+08:00

just sitting here thinking
of you...I never though I
would actually meet someone
like you........your loving
yet fragile heart that i hold
so dear in my own never
to let it go even for a minute
my mind is always thinking
of how much life you have
brought back to my life and
heart.........I will never hurt
you I promise.........with
all of my heart but sometimes
........I feel that it is just not
enough for just three words
to express my true feelings
towards you..........but I know
one thing and it is that no
matter what happens or
people that would try to
get in our happines I know
I will always love you
no matter what even if
it means i have to sacrifice
my own life for you I will
always take care of you......
till my very last breath my l0ve
forever together..........I love you.

2007-02-14T20:21:00.000+08:00

song name : Tick Tock
album name : The Truth About Love
artist name : Lemar
I gotta leave againI don't wanna goThings can be so lonely on the roadCould be the presidential suiteBut nothing's ever like your bed at homeEspecially when your'e away from the one you loveIt gets tough
Even though it hurts when i'm off at workLooking at her picture soothes my painAnd for a moment I, find myself right back at home againI remember, through the ups and downs of my dayI can say, my baby will be
[Chorus]Sitting, waiting, longing, holding on for meWhile the time goes tick tock tick tockMy baby will beSitting, waiting, longing, holding on for meWhile the time goes tick tock tick tock
She's gotta leave againShe don't wanna goHates to be away from me so longShe calls me everyday butShe can't kiss her baby on the phoneWhen we're hanging upThe tears start rolling down
Even though she criesShe can find her smileCos she knows with me her heart is safeFunny how time away, makes a loving heart grow fond againShe remembers, through the ups and downs of her dayShe can say, oh that i'll be...
Sitting, waiting, longing, holding on for herWhile the time goes tick tock tick tockHer baby will beSitting, waiting, longing, holding on for herWhile the time goes tick tock tick tock
Oh, we remember, through the ups and downs of our daysWe can say, oh that we'll be
[Chorus x2]Sitting, waiting, longing, holding on for loveWhile the time goes tick tock tick tockOh we will beSitting, waiting, longing, holding on for loveWhile the time goes tick tock tick tock

2007-02-07T20:32:00.000+08:00

walking in the dark
alone..thinking of you
thinking where are you now
and even how are you doing
there on the other side without
me......for me i am not doing
so well missing you so to many
much and so to very long
i miss hearing your voice
on the other end
how are you doing with your friends
how are u coping with your work
as much as i love you i wished that
you are here with me now
my dear i love you
i want to be with you
and i need you......................
missing you jesline lee...........
I LOVE YOU.....

2007-01-15T20:42:00.000+08:00

why?
why does this life
has to have so many
challenges and hardships
maybe it is because
of our mistakes
or is it because of
fate?
maybe it is a balance
of both our stupidity
in making the wrong
dicisons and the destiny
and fate which would
have mould our paths
in the first place
who knows maybe
we have the power
to change our own destiny
and fate if we actually
try hard enough
like when a man
finally gets the woman
of his dreams to say yes
to marry him or even as simple
as a child finally getting
a puppy as a pet
maybe life has been always
good to us if we just work
hard for it maybe the grass
maybe greener or just dead and brown
on the other side but one thing is for sure
nothing is forever but maybe
if u work hard enough it may just
last forever...................

2006-12-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

seven blackbirds
in a tree,count
them and see what
they be:
one for sorrow
two for joy
three for a girl
four for a boy
five for silver
six for gold
seven for a
secret never been
told...
with the seven birds
all on the three
which one would the thee
for i am the last one
seventh it is
the crow who kills..............

to my brothers

2006-12-23T20:50:00.000+08:00

thank you for being
there for me when
i needed u around
for the past four yrs
i will never forget you
guys when i have gone
to ite my brothers i know
i will see u guys again
never forget that
i promise u this
our brotherhood
would never be broken
thank you again for
your support

M@zion

2006-12-20T21:48:00.000+08:00

I stand on the edge
of insanity alone all my life
and now with u around
i know that i would
not fall into insanity
with u i know that
i would be able to
survive my wars
against my own
inner demons with myself
i know that i would not only survive
but also win this unforgiving war
within myself and finally reach the
peace in my mind and soul forever........................

2006-12-06T16:03:00.000+08:00

i am standing
here int he dark
waiting for u
without u here now
i shelter in the dark
from all the pain and
suffering that i may
cause to others or to
myself i love u
and would always do
my love
i will come out of the
darkness once u return

2006-11-29T21:58:00.000+08:00

why ?
why am i force
to keep our love
from others i love u
and i am sorry for what
i did before i truly regreted
it i am also sorry for what i
did i am i never though u would
be that angry well actually
i am more depress because of what
u told me on the phone
hope u don wat to
i have promised to u
that we will never give up
i will never give up never
i love u
i really do
i need u to be in my life
or i will just die
don leave me
i love u...............

2006-09-30T22:28:00.000+08:00

life is now no longer
dark and blue like before
with u around i am now
far more relaks knowing
that i have ur love makes
my life better it gives me
a purpose in life some thing
to look on to when i go to
sleep knowing that i will
see u tomorrow gives me
the reason to live my
life has never been better
with u around now i know
that i am alive and still human
thank u for giving me that
with all of this obsticals we
would face with our relationship
but i would never give up on
anything that we have
as i love u always my love ......

2006-09-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

the times and hours
that we spent together
are the most happiest
moments that i have never
felt before the love and
care that we have shared
are the best things i have ever
known but now we are
facing a tough challenge
ahead us the unwanted
attention that we ar reciving
and the constant pushes of
uncertainty from our familys
would never make me change
my view of u as my love
the one who made me
love and live again like i use
although sometimes i am
uncertain of our future
but the is one thing that
i am certain about and
that is that i love u with all
my heart and that would never
change even if i pass on
I LOVE U

2006-08-09T22:00:00.000+08:00

Thank u for
giving me love
showing me the
meaing of life
and love making my
meaningless life
meaningfull u showed
me wat i have been missing
all this time withe all
the fights going on
u show me love u show me
care and concern
I never thought another
human would actually love me
as u have thank u
and finally
I LOVE YOU

2006-07-15T20:08:00.000+08:00

on the otherside of the fence
a souls stands he looks throught
the gates of hell to see the light
on the other side knowing
that he would never be there....
but he was never gving up hope
to try to climb over and get
to the other side then he saw her
a light she told him never to give up
never give in as he belonged on the
other side with her, and she would help him
then it disapeared and until now
as he scaled the fence of barb wire and
burning steel and if he is about to give up
he would remeber the words tat was told to him
and he would continue without thinking
of the burns and the wounds tat happen to him........

2006-07-12T20:50:00.000+08:00

Irony

THE TIDES OF SIN DRAW TIGHTER AND BRIGHTER,
THE HOURS BECOME HEAVIER AND WEIGHTED,
AND THE SHADOWS SMILE,DARK AND WILD.
THIS IS WHEN HOPE AND DESIRE COLLAPSE,
THE ARC OF THE DREAM DESCENDS INTO DESPAIR,
WHEN INNOCENT LOVERS DANCE
LIKE ANGELS ON FIRE.
THIS IS WHEN THE NIGHT COMES DOWN,
A HAMMER ON AN ANVIL,
AND THE ONLY ABSOLUTION ACCEPTED
IS A LEGACY OF BRUTALITY.
A SINGLE NOTE RINGS ON AND ON AND ON.

2006-06-25T21:52:00.000+08:00

time would a heal broken heart
but would a mind forget in time?
an elder once told me
when love fails time would
slowly heal the heart
and make the mind forget
for me i wished i could have
forgotten u as i would make
this insignificant life abit better
but i cant so i have decided
to have it erase..............
so if u read tis may ur life
be a gd one ..........................
if u would care....................

2006-06-03T17:41:00.000+08:00

I feel like a fool
in my mind of endless
thinking sometimes
my eyes turn red as
i try to keep the tears
in but i juz cant i cant
stop thinkin of u but why
i has to be u but no one else
i juz hope u donnoe
that i am i hope no one say
that i do miss u even though
i only met u only once but i
wat to see u again i wat to hear
your laughter but i cant what is
happening to me.............FUCK IT

2006-05-15T21:49:00.000+08:00

as the memory of u
still strong in my mind
never to be erased from
my heart although
u ar gone from this earth
but every moring i wake
every light i see i feel
like that u ar ar always
there with me even
though u ar gone from
earth my mind still
waits till the time
we met again as u
always have a speacial
space within my heart
although most of my heart
has decayed and died
a small corner within
the darkness has always been
a place for u...................

2006-05-15T21:09:00.000+08:00

ZOMBIES...Would YOU Survive? {10 RESULTS + PICS}

The apocalypse will make you a rather cold person with only one thing on your mind: survive. Physically, and mentally strong, you will try to push the memories of your old life out of your mind. You will remain alone, knowing that no one can take better care of you than yourself. Eventually (out of necessity) you will team up with a skilled member of the opposite sex. Despite your intentions you end up falling for eachother, and together you have the power to survive.

Hey, if you liked this quiz, feel free to check out my other creations.
Take this quiz!

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2006-04-28T21:03:00.000+08:00

a fool stands in his own
decaying heart looking
at wat he could save from
the destruction he found
a piece of which was
untouch from all the
pain and suffering
he picked it up in his hands
as gently as he could
like a newborn but
then it turned black and it
started to to fade away
only then he realize tat he
was actually the thing making
own heart decay in pain and
sorrow but he does not noe how to
change himself.......lost in his own
heart

2006-04-09T18:00:00.000+08:00

juz feel like the slither
of the devil's avocate
standing in the darkness
as some try to wash their
with holy water hoping
that they would not go to
hell for their sins but deep
down inside they noe
no matter how much they
try to wash it away they
would still go to hell as i
see them try they would
juz continusely try till they
die and notice tat all their
efforts has failed them to hell
they go.........

2006-04-02T20:02:00.000+08:00

here alone again
after goin to so
many places of my
life perf in front
of people but time
and time i keep on
thinking bout u
i donnoe y but i am
infact i still am
sometimes i feel
like calling u
but everytime
i try it feels hard to
juz froget u like
i would wat to .........

2006-03-26T18:23:00.000+08:00

as people cry i look one
sometimes i feel gd as they
cry i donnoe y but i do
sometimes when i see fear &
pain in people's eyes i feel like
i have acomplised something
within maybe it is time i juz face
wat i really am and become
what people fear most the unknown,
the shadows,the darkness tat lurks
inside everyone maybe i am juz
sick of makin people happy
juz sick of protecting people from
wat haunts them but now iam
sick of doin tat humans ar now
offically on ur own and for thoughs
other tat still wish to protecting
them go ahead i have nth to do
withe them any more tat is for sure
nthe any more...................

2006-03-18T22:21:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel like
i am in over my head
thinking bout someone
who would even like me
back even if we use to be
good frens but now i am
just a distant memory to
you so far forgotten in
your mind maybe it is
true i am easily forgotten
by people i am always
the one at home looking
at pictures of people
of groups i use to be in
of people who now i walk
pass would never remeber
my name but just as someone
they once knew thats how i am
how i would always be a forgotten
half breed on earth here to protect
what rejects him...........

2006-03-18T22:01:00.000+08:00

words they can both make u
or break u tat is very true for
me and lot of ppl as i walk
on the path way to insanity
i some time fell like a fool
doin wat i have to do protecting
them but i noe they would
never noe or care but sometimes
i think if my father had not
made me were would tis humans
be in hell well most of them
would be in it anyway cos there
ar others hu ar fighting but wat
would happen if all of those fighting
die of or were not here i think earth
would not be it is now oh well ........

2006-03-14T22:58:00.001+08:00

today the end of something
that is so important to me
i finally had the last perf
wif T.A.S i am goin to miss
them juz hope they would
do better with out me cos
i cant sing like junkai or
do a low bass like jho or
even do vp like chris i am
juz a singer a nobody juz
another supporting part
in the group......true
sometimes i feel like i
an outsider but inside i noe
tat i am fren to them all
even today i decided to go hm
alone cos i needed it to be alone
like i always have anyway
saying gdbye is never easy
but we juz have to do it so here
i am saying gd bye to u guys
have a nice life to u all..........

2006-03-11T22:15:00.001+08:00

life just is meaningless
for some one like me
never to feel wat a real
smile feels like any more
juz feel so stupid even at tas
pract i was feeling extreamly
down but again had to hide
it under a mask tat hides
my true self my true feelings
from the world that i noe
humans would just laugh at
i juz donoe wat to do no more
just confused,depressed and
insane ya insane tats the rite
word juz plain insane i am crazy
stupid and foolish i feel dead inside
juz a dried up heart in a souless body
FUCK LIFE ........................

2006-03-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

here i stand as insanity fills me
making me more and more crazy
more and more paranoid bout
my life sometimes i feel like
i am juz slipping away from society
slipping away for humanity and sanity
some times i feel like i am just
dead and i wish i am dead always
int eh shadows looking at ppl but
they would never notice me until
i scream or shout only then i am
noticible some times when i train
i wander y did really god made me
to defend humans but i am getting hurt
by them emotionally haiz
my sanity is demised in the darkness
of my own heart...........................
FUCK LIFE

2006-02-25T21:08:00.001+08:00

haiz i am kinda confused rite now i was at fault at something but y ami crying is it guilt or is it juz me being confused on wat i should do i think i did the rite thing maybe i am juz a fool like they always say an idiot a moron tats wat i will always be in ppls eyes juz fuck it man

FUCK LIFE FUCK IT ALL

i juz wat to die i don care if u would remeber me or not but juz let me die slowly also can as long as i die i am happy i don care if u ar going to cry for me or not (like u will like tat) haiz juz me fuck me fuck the world fuck god the gd for nth arsehole ya fuck him too hell

2006-02-25T21:08:00.000+08:00

2006-02-21T23:02:00.000+08:00

here alone again i stand in the darkness
thinkin of life how much i miss joy miss
the times we talked on the phone and
when ever i remember u tears ar the
only thing tat acompanies me in the
dark being alone always some ppl
say it is better to be alone but for me
i have been alone for far too long to
actually that being alone is fun
with my guitar in one hand my blade
in the other with my headphones
blasting my ears and my bleeding
arms after all those cuts tat i inflicked
on my self ppl ask y i do it but everytime
i try to tell them deep inside i defensively
would hide the truth from them cause deep
inside i noe some would juz try to act concern
some are really concern but wat the heck like
they would ever sincerly care bout me
like they would ever be there for me ever again
like it really matters anymore juz being me
is like a curse knowing me long enough or
close enough is also like a curse so hell with
life juz hate it and i always will be alone
in the darkness of the shadows in life..........
alone ........till i die.......

2006-02-19T23:09:00.000+08:00

have been listening to a song by a indonesian band sheila on 7 it is titled tunjuk satu bintang i don noe y but i kinda like it very smoothing
i juz donnoe y but tis few days feel like crying
maybe i am missing someone haiz maybe i am missing her
or maybe it is juz methinkin too much haiz
even at tas pract nice too see those ppl again
haiz but i juz feel like there is something missing
in my life wat is it i donnoe maybe it is juz me
haiz maybe it is juz the fever i am having
high again 39.9 nice rite
ppl say i would be dead if i was normal
but i am not even a normal human wat
juz a half breed tat is trying to live in tis world
getting depress over things tat is not important to me
thinkin botu things tat for now is not important to me jzu sometimes i am juz
fed up wif wu i really am wat i really am i juz wish i could change how i look
and juz walk around knowing no one would recongise me anyway or even wat to noe me haiz juz stupid stupid .............................................

2006-02-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

humans i am juz stumb with the decision pf weather wat i am doin rite now is rite or wrong maybe tis is why my father 1st gave up on trying to protect humans maybe tis is y i was left my mom cause he juz decided tat he had enough protecting normal humans from what they never noe and never would ever wat to noe about why woulnt humans juz accept tat they ar not the only ones wu can think there ar angels demons gods and goddess and all does so called mythical creature they only belive tat if u can see, smell or feel it it is not real wat bout love wat botu friendship u can see it u can feel it ( sometimes) or even smell it but why is it there y ans me human u donnoe why do u how about minds or ur souls ar u telling me humans ar made with out minds or souls they cant think or feel feelings but sometimes humans noe tat tis exist but they only think only humans caan feel ta why how botu us half demons and all those mythical things we have minds and souls too maybe some may juz follow wat satan tells them to do but there ar others i don wish to list but juz rememeber there ar others aorund u open ur eyes

2006-02-09T22:43:00.000+08:00

she is a friend always at least i tot so
but yet these few mths she seem so
speacial to me so speacial tat i would dream of the
heavens excepting me in with by my side
what does tis mean am inlove with her or am i
juz missing someone wu i care for so much btu would
she feel the same or would it be juz platonic relationship
i would not be surprised if she says so but for tat i am
prepared to face anything till another time gd bye

FUCK
LIFE

2006-02-02T21:45:00.000+08:00

BLINDwritten by jason wade
I was young but I wasn't naiveI watched helpless as she turned around to leaveand still I have the pain I have to carrya past so deep that even you could not burry if you tried after all this timeI never thought we'd be herenever thought we'd be herewhen my love for you is blindbut I couldn't make you see itcouldn't make you see itthat I loved you more than you'll ever knowand part of me died when I let you go I would fall asleep only in hopes of dreamingthat everything would be like it was beforebut nights like this it seems are slowly fleetingthey disappear as reality is crashing to the floor after all this timeI never thought we'd be herenever thought we'd be herewhen my love for you is blindbut I couldn't make you see itcouldn't make you see itthat I loved you more than you'll ever knowand part of me died when I let you go after all this whilewould you ever wanna leave itmaybe you could not believe itthat my love for you is blindbut I couldn't make you see itcouldn't make you see itthat I loved you more than you'll ever knowand part of me died when I let you go and I loved you more than you'll ever knowand part of me died when I let you go

2006-02-01T21:51:00.000+08:00

here i stand alone in the darkness of my heart
thinking of u
thinking of the times we spent together
on the phone in person
thinking of the way u smile makes my worries go away
ur laughter is like the songs from the heavens
i still remember when i asked u
what would u do if i just disapeared
u said u would cry cause i was always there
beside u.......but sometime si was not there
and now i am missing u
thinking of u everytime
crying as i noe would would never see me
as some one would u love
but here i am loving u
thinking of u missing u
but who am i too love a human
i am a half demon who cares too much
for the things tat he fights to protect
juz a nobody who is willing to risk his life
for everybody and everything tat he lives
for the humans around him............

2006-01-29T21:02:00.000+08:00

juz fucked up wif life and humans they juz never care and never would noe how much some care for them i dont need them to return it or anything but at lease be there when i need u cause i have already risk my life for u humans long enough don u think but sometimes i would unconciously watch my word sas i care for them abit too much to actually say tis so if u humans read tis then gd i am getting somethings of my mind and chest sometimes when i walk around tis island i juz find humans are juz blind to not see the "others " around them no wander some get murdured accidents happen and bombings happen around the world u noe sometime i juz wat to shout at their face and tell them wat a great waste of skin they actually ar dont get me wrong but it is true those so called gangsters and drug addicts ya it si true i use to be on of them but pls if u wat to die juz kill ur self drg don help juz kill u slowly why not juz hang ur self or something even better sell it off too lucifer or satan somecall him it would be better then taking drugs ya it is true be part of his army only then i have to kill u i need the excersise anyway so go ahead sell it then die again in my hands it is somuch easier then killing ur self wif drugs s rite? think bout it ok .................

2006-01-22T22:17:00.000+08:00

i have been hearing a song by P.L.P a letter from dreamland and i kinda like it not my kind of music but it kinds of reminds me of someone i noe even though she is not mine she is always my sunshine and everytime i talk to her on the phone it would make my day but it would dim when she say gd bye and even better when i say the last time there was tis fake smile on her face but i stayed cause i missed her so much tats y haiz i am juz missing rite now missing her very much even if i would never be wif her she is always my sunshine haiz i think i would never get sick of tis song liao i have been listening to it for 6 hrs haiz missing her but she would never noe it is me missing her haiz juz FUCK LIFE ................................

2006-01-15T22:23:00.000+08:00

i am juz fucking fed up wif life rite now i am so fed up wif life till i do not care wu would read tis ok fuck it sometimes i feel like a fool sometimes i feel liek an idiot but most of all i feel like i am a FUCKING MORON i juz don get it i donnoe wahen to stop liking a gal even though if has someone else in her heart i would still be there like the idiot i always am would try to get her to like me or at least admire me but fuck tat would never happen me alone wlaking on the streets of singapore fucking seeing couples alll over the place an me a lonley jackass walking around u noe sometimes if i did not have tis FUCKING human heart i would juz have gone and killed the couple but luck i am not wu i use to be cold heart less maybe i should be tat guy again it is so much better then feeling tis pain anyway so much more better fucking better then tis alrite juz FUCK IT FUCKING FUCK IT ........................................................................

2006-01-11T23:22:00.000+08:00

i feel like a fool tonight the day is fine but tonight i feel like a fool a gd for nth fool maybe cause i care so much for a gal but she would never noe never realise it juz me here thinking of her missing her but everytime i tok to her she would be tokin about her ex wu she really misses but me here juz hearing heart broken having mixed feelings rite now i already have love but y am i thinkin of her maybe she is juz to special to let go to for get but i don think she would noe my feelings i juz hope she does oh ya am goin to make a private blog for my relly feelings wif in my half-breed heart am i fool to care bout her?????..................................................................................even if she does not care and don worry tis blog still up liao so till other days......................

MANSION out

2006-01-10T12:24:00.000+08:00

What mythological creature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2006-01-08T18:42:00.000+08:00

how can some one forget some one wu he really really loves i donnoe i am searching for an ans for tat qn i juz can forget someone wu really means so much to me but hse would never noe tat cause she loves someone else and me juz here thinkin of her so i must forget bout her but is tat even possible i dont think so i juz have to suffer to forget her like before only now she only likes me like a fren haiz i cant make some one love me even if i can but she loves someone else haiz tats how it has always been for me i would go around liking a gal but ht egal would either likes someone else or juz not ready which sometimes juz a stupid excuse for i like someone else or i am wif someone fuck it i donnoe wat to belive in no more juz wat to end it all juz wat to not feel this emotions no more i wat to be my cold self again since no one would ecknowledge it's excistents so fuck it.................

2006-01-02T22:56:00.000+08:00

it is a new yr most ar happy some ar juz sad to say gd bye to 2005 me i am juz getting more and more morbit maybe cause i am feeling sad to leave to 2005 or juz to scared 0f 2006 i don give a dame no more maybe i am juz missing her or maybe juz missing my lover wu noes i donnoe my self i was juz reading a comic The Crow nice story i feel like i can relate to it maybe i did died twice sorry but no medical records hell to tat but i like the poems tat ar in side the comics very cool veyr nice i did post one poem once on this blog juz think a poem like tat may juz show how my life really is like haha but it is ok as it is the new yr i shall put up one for all of u ppl u read tis if there is any...........................................................

this one is titled:DESPAIR
HERE DWELLS A SNAKE, ONE THOUSAND MILES LONG
COILED,ONE THOUSAND MILES DEEP
EYES LIKE CANDY,IT HAS EYES LIEK CANDY
HARD AND BLUE,BUT SOFT AS KITTENS FEET
OUT OF SIGHT OR IN THE ELEMENT OF LIGHT
IT COULD BE A DEVIL, IT COULD BE AN ANGEL
WITH SPIDERS INSIDE A VISION FROM HELL
ITS SPINE IS A VERTICAL SCREAM
SLOW AS CONCRETE, BLURRED AS A DREAM
IT SPINS ROUND AND DOWN ON AN AXIS OF ATROCITY
FUELES BY INERTIA, DEPTH,RADIUSAND VELOCITY
ITS SOUL-A TWISTED WRECKAGE OF DESPAIR AND PAIN
AND THE SPIDERS INSIDE ARE JUST PRAYING FOR RAIN
KILLING TIME KILLING TIME
AND PRAYING FOR RAIN
ONE THOUSAND MILES DEEP

here u go haiz i like it haha juz love tis poem hope u like it
MANSION

2006-01-01T22:08:00.000+08:00

Darkness Don't turn away
I pray you've heard
The words I've spoken
Dare to believe
Oh for one last time
And then I'll let the
Darkness cover me
Deny everything
Slowly walk away
To breathe again
On my own
Carry me away
I need your strength
To get me through this
Dare to believe
Oh for one last time
And then I'll let the
Darkness cover me
Deny everything
Slowly walk away
To breathe again
On my own
On my own
On my own
On my own
On my own
Dare to believe
Oh for one last time
And then I'll let the
Darkness cover me
Deny everything
Slowly walk away
To breathe again
On my own
On my own

haiz juz something i remembered from a song i heard

2005-12-29T23:16:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think tat ppl would not notice me then they proof me wrong there ar ppl wu would notice me there is never tot there would haha but it is gd to noe even though it is only one person but it is gd to noe haiz i am missing someone but i donnoe if she even care if i am thinkin of her haiz wat am i to do juz think think bout her or juz forget bout her in all of the ppl i ask they say forget her i wish it is tat simple or easy juz have her in my head my dreams and my thoughs i goin on and on botu weather how much pain i when through to forget her she did too i noe but now wif her in my mind it is like i did a very big mistake back then which is haunting me like a old ghost in a house tat it use to own for tis instance she use to have my heart i use to have hers but i did the mistake of disapearing from her face for two yrs....................i donnoe wat to say any more it is juz life but if u read tis u noe wat i mean thaks for before

2005-12-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

life has been surprisingly fun tis few days but it is like pointless anyway even though it seems fun i laugh joke around but inside i still feel sad juz covering my face wif a mask like i would do wif my band maybe i like it tat way keep my self from human wu would ethier please u or make u internily mad or maybe i am juz missing ivy i wander is she now she is not online everytime i try calling her i cant get through juz missung her haiz now adays i feel like i am an outsider at tas (for those tas members wu reads tis don get the wrong idea ok) ya every body has like a group of frens they hang out wif but sometimes i juz sit there staring at them like i am not part of the group haiz maybe it is juz me maybe i am juz such a loner tat when it is time to make frens i juz cant haiz cant blame no one but my self well tats something tat is very true wat the heck i may juz be like tis for the rest of my life till i die or maybe when i become fell fledge demon then maybe i would juz see them at nite like i am looking at them as they slp haiz i sound like a stalker but ya when i do become full fledge then maybe i would do juz tat cause i miss them so much and better still they would not be abil to see me haiz
invisible as i always would be anyway like i am not there in front of them haiz let me be let me die for a demon would never belong on mans land they belong in hell tat is where i belong not the heavens not on earth but in hell underworld the unkown to man would never understand me anyway man would always a be afraid of wat they don understand wat the dont know and wat they dont see the three things tat would end mans own regin on earth....................tats the truth of man and it would alwasy be anyway...............................................................hell to all humans

2005-12-07T23:11:00.000+08:00

You can't escape the wrath of my heartBeating to your funeral song (You're so alone)All faith is lost for hell regainedIn the dust in the hands of shame (Just be brave)Let me breathe you this song of my heart beforeI lead you along this path in the darkWhere I belong 'till I feel your warmthHold meLike you held on to lifeWhen all fears came alive and entombed meLove meLike you love the sunScorching the blood in my vampire heartI'll be the thorns on every roseYou've been sent I hope (You'll grow cold)I am the nightmare waking you upFrom the dream of a dream of love (Just like before)Let me weep you this poem as Heaven's gates closePaint you my soul, scarred and aloneWaiting for your kiss to take me back homeHold meLike you held on to lifeWhen all fears came alive and entombed meLove meLike you love the sunScorching the blood in my vampire heartHold meLike you held on to lifeWhen all fears came alive and entombed meLove meLike you love the sunScorching the blood in my vampire heartHold me (Like you held on to life)Like you held on to life(When all fears came alive and entombed me)My vampire heartLove me (Like you love the sun)Like you love the sun(Scorching the blood in my)My vampire heart

tis a lyrics of a song tat reminds me of my self the pain in my soul hoping a gal would hold me like she is holding on to life juz hoping

MANSION

2005-12-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

haiz life its gd for now but for somereason i feel like there is something missing i already have love have great frens and family but wat is juz missing can someone tell me wat is it makin gme confused it is giving me slpless nites again and again wat is it?? haiz maybe the fact i have not contacted her for a long time and it is about time i tell her the truth bout me and my family connections wif hell demons and to many other things i cant list i wat to call her but i cant i wat to email her but i juz donnoe how to explain to her the truth of my family haiz maybe tats it ya may be i donnoe haiz

MANSION

2005-11-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

Life is goin juz fine for now until 11 when i have to go perf wif my band haiz tired wat to do must go later disaster like the last one don have to say it lah eh later tml alsonever fin anyway must go gig then must learn my songs for tml pract can do it must do it will do it wat every it takes haha sorry but now i abit hyper and siao cause later goin on stage must be siao or tats wat they wat oh well at least they donnoe wu i really am rite love my mask keeps me a secret to the audience bwahahahahahahahaha~ yes i noe lame btu tat s how i get when i get hype up bout something ok ok back to normal tonite let the Midnight Hunters sing u a chrits mas songs no presents for christmas bwahahahahahahahhaha tonite must shout no scream to sing the song thanks miss choo for teaching me the twang going to help for later ok lah enough bout tat time to get in to my outfit wish me luck BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

MANSION

2005-11-21T22:49:00.000+08:00

I don noe man maybe wat hui said is true i am to blame 4 others but y? stupid qn fuck it as alwasy i am left wif my self to blame althoygh i have die 4 them past is the past but i cant forget it to love some one wu dont even care memories i have to drown wif alcohol and tobacco and more sorrows fuck i am to blame 4 tis maybe in the future when i see her in love may be then i would be happy or maybe i would be blaming myself again fuck it no use askin myself even if i have gave up everything maybe i should go and ask my half broters they noe better AM and DARK if u read tis maybe u ar rite humans would never wat to noe the truth or belive in us far more love us i noe one wu loves me but she cant be there alwayys can she even tat she does not even noe wat i really am i am not saying wu she is juz hope her swimming would be fun today or at least i hope tat she truly sayang me at least

mansion

2005-10-30T15:30:00.000+08:00

i died for u

I can't belive this now
This isn't what I planned
I lived and died and now
I just can't understand
With all the love I feel
I could never leave her
No matter what the cost
My soulds the price to see her

Chorus
Oh how I love you
The pain won't go away
Oh when I need you
You're always so far away
I cry for you
Leaving myself to blame
I died for you
I gave up everything

The pain was just to much
When I finally saw her
She's happy and in love
In love with my best friend
What makes it hurt so bad
Is that I love them both
And they will never know
For love I sold my soul

Repeat Chorus

2005-10-19T12:05:00.000+08:00

really fucked up rite now i don noe wat to wif me life it seems tat i keep on making the ppl around me sad or angry i wat to die i don care no more kill me now tajke my life kill me i don wat to live no more i don blame them cause it is my fault i wat to die kill me i wat my knife to cut my vains let it bleed let it drain my blood from my body my life out of it killin me softly i don care if my mom is goingto kill her self after tat juz kill me kill me now take my life i don care don give a fuck no more i would rather wait and bleed till i die like wu cares let me die now my blade is sharp enough to kill me so juz kill me now now i say kill me i don wat to live anymore i rather die now since i juz cause pain to other around me like they would miss me like they would care fuck tis life i don wat my mom to cry no more so kill me now now i say take my life take it i have no need for it fuck life fuck my life fuck it fuck it i hate myself i hate my life so take it wu ever ones it take it i don need it anymore i don wat ppl around me to feel pain so take my life now now mutherfukers take it TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

whats wrong wif me the gal i love hatsme for nto telling the truth but i seriously thought that she knew some say i should juz break up wif her some don even have exp before oh well is u read tis baby i juz wat to tell u tat forever u ar my pretty lady i love u so much i would never wat to let u go never u give me light after hui broke me down now i would forever give u the light tat u need the scars tat i would clean of for u and the wounds tat if there is any i would nurse for u baby pls call me after u read tis u ar and alwasy my one and only baby........................

2005-09-20T21:06:00.000+08:00

i offically hate life i do ireally do juz fuck it fuck it all i don noe i juz do call me crazy or nut i juz hate it hate it all for the sec 4s of rs gd bye i will miss u oh ya fuck it

2005-07-27T22:51:00.000+08:00

Komakino

this is the hour when the mysteries emerge
strangeness so hard to reflect
a moment so movinggoes straight
to ur heart
condition that's never been met
the attraction that's held like a wake
deep inside
somethingi'll never forget
pattern is set,the reaction will start
complete but rejected to soon
looking ahead in the grip of each tear
impluse that linds every move shadow that stood by the side of the road
always reminds me of you
how can i find the right way
to control the conflicts inside,
all the problems beside
as the questions are rite
and the answers don't fit
into my way if paying, into my way
of paying

something i read along time ago but juz remembered

2005-07-15T22:51:00.000+08:00

Your connection with darkness is through
self-harming. Life has hurt you so badly and it
feels like it always will. Of course, you just
want to get rid of it and has found out that
cutting releases your pain and tension. After
all, now it's you who decides to inflict pain,
not someone else. Perhaps you even feel guilty
afterwards when you've "come to your
senses". Due to this you tend to wear
long-sleeved shirts, if it's the wrists your
cutting. You fear your scars will be seen and
often keep away from people physiclly. Some
cutters just want to get caught doing it, to be
saved and for someone to care for them and
understand. While others may do it just because
there is too many problems they have to deal
with, and inflicting harm upon themselves seems
to be a good way out. This is the point where
I'm supposed to say that you should talk to
someone. The thing is though, I know as well as
you, it's hard seeking help. But it's still
highly recommended that you stop harming
yourself.

What is your connection with darkness? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-07-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

haiz wat a fucked up week i have been having 1st the the teachers tat is makin my life aliving hell more stress add on me oh well maybe it is my own fault of not doin my corrections rite ok then next was the accapella competion got last haiz i am really fucked up to day wated to vane tit all on bowlin but could not cause frenz no money fuck it but not there fault rite then was force back to sch to do my corrections fuck tat to but wat the hell at least i get to go online blog sometimes i feel like i wat to die but then thinkin of when wu is goin to protect them when hell rises god wat a joke if he wated to help us he would heve long time ago haiz at least i realese my stress by cuting my self in class but i don feel the pain maybe because i know pain at the molecular level ........it pulls at my atoms ..........sings to me in the alphabet of fear.......i am the boiling man...come to break the bones of ur sins.............cool huh got it from a comic but it is true i don feel pain on the out side but on the inside i feel it hurts so much pls make it stop someone pls pls i beg u to make it stop..............pls..............

2005-07-02T00:07:00.000+08:00

ok enough is enough i don noe y but i have been having ppl look at me like i am an areshole for the whole day i don noe wat to do no more i juz wat to be left alone juz a while would be great but some don understand the two ppl i need the most now is to busy wif thier lives i cant blame them but i learn something earlier in hell that death is death if u embrace it but is u reject it is a curse i think it when tat way ok tats enough for now z.a out of here

2005-06-28T12:59:00.000+08:00

life watz wif it i don noe i juz don noe watz happenin wif it i juz feel extremly lonley now adays but y? am i feelin this way i wat it to stop but y? wouldin it stop y? someone pls make it stop make this feeling go away..............oh well like someone would come around and juz make that happen never goin happen rite? well i have this song once your beautiful or something i am myself is not sure but ya it is a nice song trying to gat it's lyrics but i can't seem to find it well my life is juz like it or maybe alil better the song the guy could not tell the gal he liked her but i did but she turned it down haiz now she is leaving in an other six mths until i would see her again but i don think tat would br enough for me to say gd bye tis yr her b bae i was goin to pass her something i took long to sve up for but i thinkk it is worht it rite? i was thinkin i would give it ot her myself but i don think i she would be free too see me on tat day looks like i have to pass it to her frens to pass it to her i love her so much she is my angel in my life but she would never be mine she is beautiful but now i will face the truth tat i would never be wif her nevr to be wif her.......................

2005-06-22T21:55:00.000+08:00

well wat to blog yesterday was fun ok it was until i got back hm then they nag and nag hell wif tat oh well i am juz bored to death rite now no idea wta to do surpose to met sze today but she last min say cannot then until now have not reply my msgs haiz oh well much was not done today so tomolo must do if u askin me wat it is hmwrk have not even done one yet i am goin to die on 27th haiz did not go to choir last week sori but i my grandpa was sick ok sori alrite but i had plans to go out wif hui already really sori and perf i was told if i did not come for pract cant perf and my mom is sick she still is ok very sori u guys